= A time to grow up. =
In a female's life, she ought to grow up.
There will be this day whereby she will realise she's having her period.
This day when she will find that why can she be so emotional and sensitve over little things?
This moment when she watched a movie, and imagined that she was the princess and her knight would come in a dark horse.
She too, desired to be love, cuddled and romanced.
When God created Eve, did He just created her for the sake of helping Adam?
Partly yes, but not totally. He created her to be the feminine warrior princess of Adam.
Adam is her brave knight who is fighting for her while she is the princess whom he is fighting and protecting of.
Eve is not a weakling, she is a brave woman. She submits and Adam is not only her partner but master.
Above all, their Greatest Master, God in heaven is the Creator of both Adam and Eve.
He restores what is lost and heals what is broken.
you might feel so down with emotions that are overwhelming at a moment. it may go away now, or it may even come back some day. whatever it is, God wants you to know. He's watching over you. Every single step you take, would you not seek His cousel? would you not seek His opinion?
He is speaking to your heart now, would you listen ?
God, what do you think of this ? Do you care what He thinks? Relationships are important to Him, too important in fact.
"If there is a God, why would i still suffer from all these pain "?
" why would He allow me to lose my love ones" ?
"why would I still not see results" ?
" how long will i still have to wait" ?
" why the people simply dont understand me"?
Your heavenly father is calling Your name.
we all know who Jesus. But do you know how He speaks? How He talks ? How He moves?
He is more than just a good man. He is waiting for you at the door of your heart.
Knocking, He knocks.
You might know, but are you going closer to Him? or sad to say, further away?
what had caused that to happen? Only you and God knows.
Love is a choice. A freewill choice
He is the faithful Shepherd, even when one sheep is lost; He'll go all out to find you.
Dont think that even you are away from His House, from His presence that because of this He cant see. He sees, He knows and He is waiting for you.
waiting to clothe the robe of righteousness on you.
Love is a choice. A freewill choice.
Jesus freewilling chose to die on the cross because of one thing.
Love is a choice. A freewill choice.
vis
smiles*
8/29/2006 12:38:00 am
+++++++++
= captivating entry.. ahhahaha =
Matilda, i am glad that the worries of studying for exam is over and now, i need to settle some serious business. A business which involves only, alpha, beta, charlie , delta, echo, foxtrot bla bla bla and it goes on.
How long is a million years?
The foudations of this beautiful earth, the lands, the rivers, the valleys, the sands and the mountains. Out of words from the mouth of Someone Great, you and I know.
I've been dumping my worldly contemporary chinese novels aside; a desiring book which captured my heart on the shelves at lifebooskshop months back. i was dreaming owning that book, reading it, gaining new information from it and most importantly changing my mindset about it. i never regretted longing and desiring for that marvelous book truly on 20th august, its a truly defined captivating moment.
Feminism at its best. Well, when will it be? Women "care more about relationships than just anything else" said Stasi Eldredge. And I proud to say that, this is not a weakness in women - it is a glory. A glory that reflects the heart of God.
I need a new mindset. A new set of thinking. Do not be conformed to this world, but be TRANSFORMED though renewing of our minds.
anyway, a great report. i am loving this name Matilda more and more, it meant strength & a warrior spirit. Its more than fighting; its being a warrior princess. Being a female doesn't mean you don't fight. You do! Fighting for the truth is what I always desired to do.
just today, in the battlefield of matilda's mind, she is stucked for once: very stucked.
why could mines of life stop big things? she couldn't understand. For a twilight, ting she understood. Thank you, jenn. and thank yous fen and max.
inspiration moments don't stay for too long. Besides its a decision to chase and run after them. I would rather chase after what I want. Waiting sometimes can be tedious and distracting. I would rather hope, desire and yes put it into actions.
a dream in the past, is no long a dream now. Out of the words, action soon becomes alive from the confessing blog entries, hand written essays since primary school days and even memories of speech during periodo xxx day 000. COME ON! Things are getting better and they will get even better and more amazing.
cos today is now or never
I'm sowing, planting watering and guarding.
I don't know how.
but it must and it can be done
in other words, it will be done.
vis
smiles*
8/27/2006 06:12:00 pm
+++++++++
= joy =
I never realized joy is such an important part of my life until today. Without joy, people can lose hope, lose their visions, lose their directions in God; some even lose the relationship they once had so deeply with God. But I want to constantly remind myself that: one day in the House of God is better than a thousand days in the world.
Sometimes, I alone cannot cope alone! I know you know what I mean. That�s why we need the Body of Christ right! Two is better than one.
Haha, living as a Christian indeed is not easy. But what a privilege it is to be called a child of God!
This whole week, I�ve got revelations daily to ask me to guard my heart or to build my spirit man up. As written in Pro 25:28
whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down without walls.
Guard your heart. 3 words. Seems so short yet it is not like a 3 day 2 nights holiday, well this may even last a lifetime, thats what I think la.
Actually I need to live by conviction of the true living God and not relying on my emotions all the time, they are just things that God adds to us to have feelings? But one's faith should never be based on feelings alone. Yes, when you fail to see God's hand, you gotta learn to trust His heart.
i am living for the gospel of truth
nothing's gonna change that!
Today today, its now or nothing.
All we're living for is all that You are.
is all that You are.
vis
smiles*
8/26/2006 04:51:00 am
+++++++++
= Hear me today. =
Still my ever wandering heart O Lord.
Not because of who I am
But becasue of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are.
=)
I am supposed to study and study and study for this week. and I am glad, today is a fruitful day.
I need to get good grades, crossing the line of impossibility. I still remember Pastor preached on crossing the lines in our lives, the need of being a line crosser. Indeed, we need to cross the different lines in our lives at different seasons.
Being able to serve in Church choir is awesome! I am getting used to worshipping on stage already though. At first it was funny duh! People can see how you praise and worship and you are suppose to look NORMAL?? haha, but now.. its truly a great joy to serve and minister!
I havent regret serving and I wont!
I need the blood of the Lamb. A pure heart after Him.
Guarding your heart. Such little 3 words when put into actions can actually be tough. What God wants is a pure, whole heart. I surrender all I am, with all I have.
I give
Come and fill me Holy Spirit
I seek the warmth of Your embrace
Lord I am longing for Your presence
Just one touch of Your grace
I keep on waiting
Waiting on You
All my life i searched for heaven
My heart it longs for so much more
A love so true
Now i found it in You
I keep on waiting
Waiting on You
Lord I give my life
A living sacrifice I place at Your feet
I offer to You
For only You can satisfy my longing
Jesus You're all I desire
Lord I give my life
A living sacrifice I place at Your feet
More that what this world offers
You are my only Treasure
My world means nothing without You.
My world means nothing without You.
vis
smiles*
8/23/2006 03:10:00 am
+++++++++
= Sacrifice of Praise =
Praise You in the storm
all of my days.
My soul sings,
my spirit shouts
with every breath
I'm crying out
I want to live
for You alone
You have captured my heart
Mi Corazon.
Every situation is blurred. You've paid the price. I stand before You. Blameless and holy.
the outpouring emotions outflowing tears of matilda, rolled down.
it rolls down.
keep on keeping on.
I know He will make a way for me, with every breath I am still crying out.
I want to live for Him alone.
He captured my heart,
Mi Corazon.
I will sing Your praises for ever,
I want to dwell in Your sanctuary forever.
Lord. Your mercy endure forever.
You cant please man and God at the same time. its a tough decision.
I dont want to compromise.
Jehovah Shalom,
I need You right now.
vis
smiles*
8/22/2006 02:32:00 am
+++++++++
= KRISTOS KAI KOSMOS =
Firstly, I was greatly blessed by all of Dr A R Bernard's meetings.
3 things namely:
1) educate
2) encourage
3) empower
God's objective is to move in SPECIFIC revelation. There is a great need to be specific.
relationships preceeds ministry. You cannot minister until you preceed a relationship. When trust is established, you have the authority to speak into that person's life. We cannot lead the people whom we are afraid of. Hence, perfect love casts out all fears and anxieties. The future is authority brought into the present by the miracle of God. E.g. when we lay hands on people, we are actually calling the future of the healing into NOW.
and Knowledges translates into Authourity!
heaven is not my destination, its only a holding place. why desire heaven so much? Desire more of the Kingdom of God on earth.
Freedom Springs from the submission to the sovereignity of God.
Learn how to navigate in a world that is against you.
Our main growth begin only while we clealy articulate our purpose for the ministry.
God is Love. True love exists only when you have the freedom to choose. Love is centered in the will, not emotions. We love because we chose to love. Make a committment to that decision~!
Something which WOW-ed me :" You cannot disobey without obey "
Cos you obeyed the other! get it? =)
Your choices create your Future. Your life is composed of Your choices, its always influences that will determine what we chose.
Ultimately, it still your choice! You have to be careful in the choices you make, cos we'll become servants to our choices we make in life.
Everything was originally made by Him and nothing can seperate Him and His body. =)
However, things only work when they are in divine order. Divine order leads to freedom and true freedom is based on order.
Faith is a verb =D I like this. Everyday of your life is a day of PREPARATION of what you dont know is coming ahead of you.
What really impacted me was : Dionysius.
by just impacting the life of one man. changed the entire nation.
do not look down on small beginnings. everything starts from a small mustard seed.
the intimacy is restored.
__________________________________
how to sum 3 awesome meetings in a blog entry? i dont think it is possible too! Christianity is not just knowing ABOUT God. Its KNOWING GOD for yourself and experiencing Him. Many people may think that God is in sitted in heaven all the time eating grapes and listening to His angels playing on the harp. NO! haha, He sent out His spirit and He's hovering around you now. Can You Feel Him? = ) Hallelujah. ALL FLESH.
call upon the Lord when you are in distress and He will save you.
His word never fails.
___________________________________
Thank you dearest e405 once once again... for the great day that you've made for me. and fen, all the harwork and love you've into the card i've felt it! So mant hearts!! wow.. i love it to the max man! the great and awesome present from the cell, captivating. indeed it truly is!! HAHA, yes max i got to agree with you, i'm made of water and i am like a water tap. But hey! i am trying my very best to be more convicted. but i feel so love la!! just dont know how to express my thanks and love towards u all, den my tears aiya.. running water tap again. haha! and jenn jenn, u noe we still love u =D
time to get back on studies!! KRISTOS KAI KOSMOS!!
vis
smiles*
8/21/2006 12:59:00 am
+++++++++
==
vis
smiles*
8/19/2006 11:42:00 am
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vis
smiles*
8/19/2006 11:24:00 am
+++++++++
= somebody's watching =
17 august is a great day.
for years it will be a great day.
you guys really made my day!
from the 0000hours till the 2359 hours, i am living in bliss and blessing!
a pleasant surprise from alex heng and nicholas. haha though its a short call, but i appreciate it!
above all, e405 u guys made my day man!!
first was fen and jen in the late night haha
den pheng in the early wee morning.
and fen , ter and yew teck at mac after bs.
hahahaha my day summed up in a word : awesome.
and hahahs friendster yes!! a big thankyou to all those who left a testi u noe who u are and haha powey and wenbin, thanks for tagging!
for ur info i bought myself a birthday gift too hahah part of pampering la. bought 2 formal clothes for DR A R BERNARD's meetings! serving on sat and sun.. hahahahahha excitedd!!!
I know you are watching over me silently.
many times i really felt those words are for me,
arent they?
when music and words cant explain anything
will silence do the explanation himself?
I am always tapping from you and what you have,
u must move on, so i can move on.
even if u dont, i pray u will
=)
vis
smiles*
8/18/2006 01:00:00 am
+++++++++
= Happy Birthday Matilda =
Matilda, I am turning 18 today.
Are you happy for me?
I am just glad that you've become patient with me over the one whole year.
and that you know and you know my bloggin style changed alot since perido x times.
ANYWAY, i felt like spending time with myself today. its time to do some reflections in life.
I've experienced alot of mighty goodness from Above.
now, as a little child, what can i give in return?
I've decided.
My life, my heart, my soul.
above all,
my birthday wish
to dwell in His sanctuary forever.
to fulfil His will and not mine.
it may seem foolish to people who dont understand, but the fact is.. they dont need to.
its a covenant just between Him and me.
and i'm glad they did try to want to understand =)
vis
smiles*
8/17/2006 01:34:00 pm
+++++++++
= i actually read =
can you believe this Matilda?
Vis actually read!
this chinese novel by zhang xiao xian.
practically, i met melody today.
she couldnt believe her eyes as well when she saw be engrossed in reading.
who from my clique doesnt know that books drives me to sleep?
we stayed 2 hours in the libray, merely reading, later borrowed some materials.
its the power of FOCUS.
actually, everyone does.
i recalled what i've blogged earlier on.
ITS A CHOICE.
when you want to focus on something,
Set your heart apart from everything else!
you cant be focusing with other thoughts in you.
be still.
I have friends who shared with me that they can actually wake up suddenly in the middle of the night out of a sudden for no reason.
I hope you do get your peace.
For me, i woke up in the middle of last night. I was having a muscle cramp.
i guessed, i felt cold.
my muscle is still aching for the rest of the day... however it seems to get better now.
i am thankful. this year its such a special one.
i never thought that this day can be so special to myself.
most importantly, i desire to see all of you here i know.
....
....
....
in heaven.
...
...
...
rejoice!!
vis
smiles*
8/16/2006 08:52:00 pm
A Doll's House
Matilda, I'm so glad that its over. The presentation went off better than what i thought.
Drama Box gave me alot of thoughts and feel. I really love that place alot, despite that its old, almost torn-down and haha, haunted. But apart from that, I cant believe how i actually spend 8 hours in a blink there, impressive.
we came without a trace and we left without a trace.
Till today, no one ever had news of xiaobai, the ghost who lives there. However, the dust, squeeking sounds from the door hinges and the faded painted walls, it sums up in one word : ancient. Ancient stuffs may not be bad all the time. Well, maybe just the fact that many dont appreciate old stufs, but they are truly valuable to some people in a way or another.
Like to me, old memories are good, but embracing a new future would be more exciting.
I would love the old, but its the new which motivates Matilda to move on in life.
I love Jurong west alot, but I am so excited for Expo hall 8, and soon to come, a larger stadium, a 10 000, 30 000, 60 000, or even 100 000 seater stadium. Never limit God, its on its way.
Come on brethens, Arise and Build!
I still remember something Deora said long ago: You know you've grow, but you just dont know where and dont know how. O, matilda I felt that haha she has and she is and she will.
ARISE all the sleeping beauties out there! Change and change and change and simply just ask!
this journey i am embarking on is far to exciting and challenging! However, without the key people working and labouring with me, it might not be possible. I am thankful for them and I found great joy in helping them out too. I love YOU GUYS so much and there NOTHING you can do about it!
Above all, I realise how much i actually love Abba God. Thank Jen and fen haha for grooving those emotions and thoughts in me.
And I am glad I understood.
when my world falls apart,
only He will remain.
vis
smiles*
8/16/2006 01:59:00 pm
+++++++++
= I need a new spirit -- a fighting spirit =
I need a fighting spirit.
I need it.
Everything is not about compromising.
its about fighting for it.
I need a fighting spirit.
amen
vis
smiles*
8/15/2006 12:56:00 am
+++++++++
= draw me closer to where your are =
awesome are Your dwelling places.
the great House of the One true living God.
one day in the House of God is
better than a thosand days in the world.
Matilda is singing...
I love, because You first loved me
I give, because of what You gave
You died, showed me how to live
Your mercy taught me to forgive
You came and pour Yourself so free
Your blood washed away my shame
And now I can live again
I'm More of You and
Less of me.
My First Love
forever You will be
My First Breath
You're the Life in me
My First Joy
the world can never take from me
My Covenant with You
Jesus
Your Love falls down
Your Love falls down
Your Love falls down over me.
......
p.s. haha bihui i know that you still prefer sanctuary =)
With regards to this song, I truly felt touched by the " My First Joy, the world can never take from me"
Indeed. its only between me and Him.
the memories are so precious. the moments together.
The House of God, gateway to heaven.
The world may not know what is going on/ going wrong in your life, but do you think Jesus doesnt know too? He does. He knows.
Close not, i pray for harden hearts.
.........
thanks pheng for letting me to sing during cgm.
i was indeed nervous, you bet!!! I didnt know why too.
I hope it wasnt too bad. THANKS SAM !! for playing the song. hahahs it was well done..
sorry i was really bad at catching tempo though, it has always been like this. i used to give guanxian a headache as well during secondary school days. LOL , but seriously, i've moved on!
above that was an encounter with Daddy.
though i want more of You Lord,
but a glimpse of You will overwhelm me just as much
wont You take a look at what I have?
I surrender all I have to you.
I am all for You.
Let Your love fall down over me.
??????????? ???????????
???? ????
???? ????
??????
???????
????????
??????????
vis
smiles*
8/13/2006 05:00:00 pm
+++++++++
= getting better =
Matilda's getting better in her throat.
A big thank you to all those who've prayed.
For myself, i havent really been hearing my original voice for quite some time too.
haha, though its not at it best, but still I am going to give what i could.
Thats the best i can ever do. I'm now almost done for Written Media.
After I hand that up, I got another assignment to hand up which is due the coming friday. haha, thats it Vis, its the last written one. On Tues, I am going to let my acting decide what grade I'll get man. I can see the vision of better grades, cos I am putting in the heart and effort well, for some bits haha.
Indeed, Pheng I got to agree with you. Being a student in these days is not easy. So is being a Child of God. But its a joy being one and working for His will and fulfilling the destinies of everyone. Its such a joy!
Actually, Melody and Idy did asked me what i wanted for my birthday. In fact many of my friends do. But what i really want is something money cant buy, something charitable deeds can buy. I recalled the Great Exchange.
Its His will and not my will.
I live because He died.
I am healthy because He bore my sicknesses
I am prospering because for my sake He came poor.
For all things, Its gonna be His will.
I am here, for a reason
to fulfil not only my destiny,
but yours. =)
Will you let me do that ?
ps: thanks pretty for the beautiful makeup kit you've gave me. I like it alot! and Im indeed blessed by you. Stay pretty and happy! It is a CHOICE!
Everything we do, is a CHOICE
haha, after ecstasy, I began to realised that the ANG GONG GONG member Powey is my fellow np campus friend. Guess what I found out from him? He serves as a guitarist and usher. Powey see I gave you face. I DID BLOGGED about you.
vis
smiles*
8/11/2006 02:04:00 am
+++++++++
= Sick =
Matilda, I am coughing lehs!!
my throat is so itchy and i cough every interval of at least 25secs. =(
I take a break today??
cannot lehs.. got assignment to do lehs.
Lord I give You my cough,
I give You my lungs
I live for You alone
Every breath that I take
every moment I'm awake
Lord have Your way in me.
Matilda is singlish for a day =)
CUZzzzz its SINGAPORE's BIRTHDAY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!!
Arise and walk!!
vis
smiles*
8/09/2006 01:19:00 pm
+++++++++
= He stills the temptest =
He stills the waters
the raging temptest
the dividing seas
the raging clouds
He stillls,
He still... stills.
sun of the dawn, broke through the horizon
a breath of wind thru the veil beneath Matilda's soul
awaken, searching, restoring
back to where she began.
all she could see, all she could hear
lines and lines of promises, never ending grace
forgiveness in pain, releasing of burdened saints
erasing the blurred misty thoughts
ratured. captured. released
new.. a new song sung
a sweet aroma swept past Matilda
O' how could seal this union I have with You
everlasting, never ending
its so close, I believe.
I belong in Your arms.
vis
smiles*
8/08/2006 03:59:00 pm
+++++++++
= GOOD grades will come! =
Maltilda got back her previous assignment for chinese regional.
She saw a big D+ on it.
She didnt regret it much. It really wasnt something she likes doing.
But, at least she tried. She took ages to do the work, the nights she sacrificed
the energy that was given.
The results werent very encouraging, but she chooses to accept it.
Its her work, its her blood.
She knows He is watching over her.
God is good all the time
all the time God is good.
Which is so true, and repeatedly true.
Father help my unbelieve.
I believe.
to think that national day is coming, a nation in red.
What i thought was..
lets paint this big old town RED! =))
time is ticking and the world is dying.
just today, God opened Matilda's eyes .
she saw how love all the while is a sacrifice
she saw how red a pair of cheery eyes can be
when needles begin to prick a hare's heart.
she wanted to do much, but didnt do so.
all Matilda did was to sat beside the hare
and patted her, embracing her.
can silence be golden for this moment? just this moment...
smile my pal...BE STRONGER than what you think you are =)) love u.
vis
smiles*
8/07/2006 09:42:00 pm
+++++++++
= just where You are =
nothing can be more attractive that the place of Your dwelling place.
nothing can be more glorious than Your glory
2 sentences to sum FOP up.
i knew i am going to miss the last one, felt slightly heartache to do so, but it is wiser to spend time with my family this week after busying with 2 weeks :)
I am like a balloon.
Expand me Lord.
Not my will,
but Yours to be done.
exams are just round the corner,
never give up.
its all unto Jesus.
_______________________
matilda walks along the shadowed valleys
a picture of a cross caught her eye.
why it could mean so much to people
why it could mean nothing
why it could storm the world
why it could start fightings
a death for a thousand sins. maybe more, maybe less.
its not about me.
its all about You.
vis
smiles*
8/06/2006 05:59:00 am
+++++++++
= sanctuary =
In truth, in spirit may I,
worship
In gladness, in iniquities may I,
declare Your works.
In raging storms may I,
still see
Your goodness that reigns above everthing, everyone.
You are my None other Salvation.
my Healer, my Righteousness.
let Your healing rain heal all the temples of the holy spirit.
let no single one be left out of this touch of rain.
From my heart a song will rise
I love You.
I love You
I love You.
I love You
I love You
I love You
I love You
I love You
I love You
and my heart will follow wholly after You.
Nations will cry and bow down.
this is all i can say to You.
I love You.
vis
smiles*
8/04/2006 01:58:00 am
+++++++++
= green pastures =
matilda gazes at the fading sky
wondering things of how and why
amused by the breezy night
how stars can hang on so bright
while they are so far away from where she is.
His greatness has no boundaries
she is aware and is thankful
matilda lives to the joyful melody
singing to the familar symphony.
matilda is tired today.
but she is happy.
Longsuffering and patience.
I will wait.
waiting on Him.
_________________
thanks fen! for the wonderful time we've had.=))
hang in there.
exams are here and we need to study hard and of cos poly students need to rush assignments!!
i just have 4 assignments and 1 exam to go!!
Jesus I believe in You.
the reason that I live.
vis
smiles*
8/03/2006 12:00:00 am
+++++++++
= ecstasy =
Ecstasy is over.
But all the love has just started.
I was glad that everyone enjoyed themselves.
Well, majie did enjoyed herself alot too!
She loves her precious group Boomelon! haha we are the bestest melons around!
a pity that some of those who i've called didnt turn up.
but the fun level was maintain at HIGH and still HIGH.
E405, after Past Mike, I saw everyone taking responsibilities, grew and expanded.
Lets not just stop here. =))
I served my first time in expo for choir in Pastor Mike's meeting.
Awesome. indeed. very awesome.
hahaha.. im tired in my flesh. but in the spirit realm, everthing has only just began.
No worries.
Matilda is resting cause I'm resting too.
Find rest my soul
in Christ alone.
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand
When the oceans rise
and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storms
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still
Know You are God.
Justin, Syahmi, Joshua, Gerald, Dinesh. Hope You've enjoyed yourselves!
and my dearest e405 - pheng, dajie, fen, mali, niania, tan!,yifang, george, sam, heri, teik kheng and our sacrificial Ns guys who i really want to salute!! MAX AND JIANHUI ! so proud of them.
anyway, im not very deatailed in this entry cos.. i felt that the best for me to keep and you to find out haha! =))
my percious memories with u all.. e405.. my dearest.
a date with Jesus.
awesome.
vis
smiles*
8/01/2006 01:20:00 am
+++++++++
::achieves::
x
July 2005
x
August 2005
x
September 2005
x
October 2005
x
November 2005
x
December 2005
x
January 2006
x
February 2006
x
March 2006
x
April 2006
x
May 2006
x
June 2006
x
July 2006
x
August 2006
x
September 2006
x
October 2006
x
November 2006
x
December 2006
x
January 2007
x
February 2007
x
March 2007
x
April 2007
x
May 2007
x
June 2007
x
July 2007
x
August 2007
x
September 2007
x
October 2007
x
November 2007
x
January 2008
x
February 2008
x
March 2008
