"even when tears will fall down like rain,
never give up."
No matter how hard it seems
It's time to put on another smile
living beyond yourself for today
living for more than just me everyday
living for the Truth and nothing's gonna change that
++// mavis
++// 19
++// 17 aug 1988
++// poly yr 3 cum nie student, chinese teacher to be
Sunday, August 28, 2005
= Speechless =
I shall blog.. So here goes.
girls and guys ? what's the difference ? upon knowing that he is doing so well in every area I am truly very glad for him.. Actually after knowing so much things... I really feel so happy.. well for him.. he has someone he likes.. Dont think it in a way whereby i will tear or be heartbroken over it. Well.. being sad for the person is not me ? No.. i wont feel it that way anymore. One gotta learn to grow up. I know which type of girls he likes. Its totally of my opposite. All i want is to know him, bear his dream with him, staying beside him whenever i can. Many times, he failed to see me, because my place in his heart is so little so little.
But thats not important anymore. Because I love him. I want him to be happy in every single area of his life. I don't want him to know how much i have sacrificed for him or how heart broken have i been suffering alone whenever i think of him. I dont want him to know. I just want him to be blessed. Indeed he is.. God, Love him as much as you can.
I really want to learn an instrument. I want to get into his world, as a friend. I love him so much more than what a friend can offer. Thinking of him every now and then.. He knows? No. He doesn't. I find that there is no point in letting him know. We can never start. It had been a wrong step.. from the start. Lord, allow me to forget him totally!!
He's taken the whole of my heart. I want to love You more Lord. Give me a new heart Lord, I pray. I dont want to like him.. I've been crying since ages since when i knew it was him. Lord, i pray let him not be heartbroken. Whenever he's heartbroken, I am totally torn apart, I looked strong to him but deep inside, i really hope i can do more. But i am only a friend, Lord. I really dont know why had you chosen him among all people. It has been years.. I really want to let go..
I think of him before i think of myself. This is painful. I hate to think of him.. I hate!! I am smiling, congratulating him he found someone. Beneath the smile, its tears, its blood, from my heart, my soul. I cant have been bleeding and weeping till it went dry..
I turned my attention towards people of my same gender, i find that its useless. I still love him. HOw!! He wont even bother to care about my life. But Lord, You are there, Always. I love You Lord! Father God, help me... Deliver me out of all these !! I pray, in JESUS name..