= Contradiction =
I am in the school library.. waiting for some inspirations to come.. to do my cultural essay.. But they just wont come! Gosh.. How come it turned out this way? *shakes head*
I have completed my socpsy presentation in class today. It was alright.. i just felt that we somehow are still bothered about the things that happened yesterday and stuff.. *shakes head* On the whole, i gave myself and my presentation skills a B-. I felt i can improve in some ways.. *shakes head* But since its over, Holy spirit says : REJOICE !
Deorine gave me a revalation. REJOICE OH BARREN! Yes! Even the barren shall rejoice, ask and it shall be given to you says John 15:7. Yes, may i have joy in the Lord, amen.
Still looking for inspirations to come... Thank God its lei, she's really flexible, even allow me to blog on a pairwork.. deadline is just 2 days away.. See the urgency to get things well done? Oh well..
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Well i wrote it to allow my creativity juice to flow.. oh man.. thinking about her again.. *shakes head*
Vis
vis
smiles*
8/30/2005 03:19:00 pm
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= Honeydew =
Haha,
Aint i blessed? My mum bought me honeydews.. Love them.Sheena just asked me i can attend her chalet.. I really want to go.. But You know.. Being a Christian myself, i have a Non-Christian mum who believes in ghost festivals as usual in customs.. Ah.. Customs again..
School has been busy and busy.. Hadnt been free one bit.. Maybe only now.. I got into a conflict with my group members for socpsy project, because i felt that i have been doing the interview the last time and would hope that they can help me complete the interview this time. AS we have some unasked questions, but they assumed that i know the interviewee well and i should go. Therefore i really felt anguish.. I voice out how i feel and stuff like that.. To make things worse they kept quiet and i was even more angry.. because they are really waiting for me to do the things. Its kind of like paiseh to them because they are not familar with the interviewee as i do. Oh well.. I can really sense the tention and one of them almost broke into a conflict with me.
then i heard the holy spirit says: " mavis, God is a merciful God. Be like Him. Forgive and forget. the harvest is plentiful but the labourers are few. Dont ask for fame, ask for His favor"
THANK YOU JESUS! THANK YOU HOLY SPIRIT! I apologised to my friend. and was really stressed nowadays.. If the holy spirit had not spoken to me, i might be too overboard and quarrel with them over a small thing.. : EFFORT. Oh well ..
Been thinking about him so many times today.. Its so horrible.. Things are not getting better in my heart. but worse.. I had been like missing him more and more.. every now and then, i hate that! He's not for me.. He's not for me! LORD, make me like You.. I love You, Holy Spirit, my helper and my friend.
Still, i miss him..
Vis
vis
smiles*
8/29/2005 10:26:00 pm
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= Speechless =
I shall blog.. So here goes.
girls and guys ? what's the difference ? upon knowing that he is doing so well in every area I am truly very glad for him.. Actually after knowing so much things... I really feel so happy.. well for him.. he has someone he likes.. Dont think it in a way whereby i will tear or be heartbroken over it. Well.. being sad for the person is not me ? No.. i wont feel it that way anymore. One gotta learn to grow up. I know which type of girls he likes. Its totally of my opposite. All i want is to know him, bear his dream with him, staying beside him whenever i can. Many times, he failed to see me, because my place in his heart is so little so little.
But thats not important anymore. Because I love him. I want him to be happy in every single area of his life. I don't want him to know how much i have sacrificed for him or how heart broken have i been suffering alone whenever i think of him. I dont want him to know. I just want him to be blessed. Indeed he is.. God, Love him as much as you can.
I really want to learn an instrument. I want to get into his world, as a friend. I love him so much more than what a friend can offer. Thinking of him every now and then.. He knows? No. He doesn't. I find that there is no point in letting him know. We can never start. It had been a wrong step.. from the start. Lord, allow me to forget him totally!!
He's taken the whole of my heart. I want to love You more Lord. Give me a new heart Lord, I pray. I dont want to like him.. I've been crying since ages since when i knew it was him. Lord, i pray let him not be heartbroken. Whenever he's heartbroken, I am totally torn apart, I looked strong to him but deep inside, i really hope i can do more. But i am only a friend, Lord. I really dont know why had you chosen him among all people. It has been years.. I really want to let go..
I think of him before i think of myself. This is painful. I hate to think of him.. I hate!! I am smiling, congratulating him he found someone. Beneath the smile, its tears, its blood, from my heart, my soul. I cant have been bleeding and weeping till it went dry..
I turned my attention towards people of my same gender, i find that its useless. I still love him. HOw!! He wont even bother to care about my life. But Lord, You are there, Always.
I love You Lord! Father God, help me... Deliver me out of all these !! I pray, in JESUS name..
JESUS.. I adore You...
vis
smiles*
8/28/2005 06:58:00 pm
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= Pictures Of Me =


just to upload some pics up... Ji zi lian yi xia!! lol Its a normal girl reaction kies!
vis
smiles*
8/25/2005 10:20:00 pm
I really dont know what i am doing here still at 4:41am... gotta wake up at 8am man.. i dont understand.. i dont know.
________________________________________________________________
You
I've been living
I've been searching
I've been looking
I've been waiting
For a day that I don't believe it will come.
For Your breath gave me warmth
Your word gave me stength
Your embrace gave me love
You're just everyting I need
You're my reason for living
Aimless nights
Serenity lights
Street cat-fights
Soul at peace
Confusing unfold
Searching
Wondering
Changing
Extraordinary
YOU.
Words by: Vis @ Creators
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Oh well.. just created a song lyrics out of boredom..
vis
smiles*
8/25/2005 04:40:00 am
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= Confused Sunday =
Im here to blog again.. having loads and loads of assignments coming up... I think i better not get distracted any further, but to really FOCUSED. Not only that .. i wannt place on eyes on Him, the Lord of Lord, the Kings of Kings.
Jesus, I give You my heart
Never, will we be apart
Move in me, Change my life
Jesus I give You all.
Yes Lord, to whom i have besides You? In You I've found my purpose, my reason of living is You. You are my source and my salvation, nothing compares to You. All of my days I longed to Know you more. Holy Spirit pour down like water I am hungry for Your touch, each breadth i take i give my all to You.
Today is really a memorial day for me, for he first time in my life i spent a belated birthday at church today.. was totally blessed by the present that i recieved today.. A notebook filled with guitars !!! WOOOOHHHH! On it writes : My God is not ordinary.. HE'S EXTRAORDINARY I love it to the max!! And a spiritual book by Benny Hinn!! Woooh.. i truly love the present to the max! And the thought of the person who intended to buy that present for me.. Thank Weifen.. =)
So.. this week goona be a challenging week for me.. Mavis.. time to get down to praying liaos! Daddy.. here i come.!!
Shall update soon!!
Vis
vis
smiles*
8/21/2005 10:56:00 pm
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= Friday =
Phew,
its friday again.. i long waited for fridays to come along man.. haha.. cos it always feels good to be alone on a friday afternoon.. well, though everyday there might be chances that you might be alone, but if its on a friday... things just turn out the different way.. For the past 2 weeks, i was hoping that like my friends, i would have someone by my side, encouraging me through all my ups and downs and stuff, till i realise that its not the time and stuff.. Still, Lord Jesus, i'm so honoured to have You in my life. You never let me go at every moment of time even when i thought of backsliding.
I really have loads of new resoponsibilities coming up from school, being the creative director of the class, involving in the Chinese studies notice board, planning job for the Mid-autumn festival, Being part of the Chinese society DJ community and Singing one(might start soon), life is ever so fun, exciting and at the same time busy and tiring. I really want to love God with all my heart but everytime i disappoint Him.. I don't wanna grieve the Holy spirit.. Haiz, however, we shouldnt maginify problems and reminding ourselves of them, instead, LEts look up to Jesus and believe that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, He would never let us go..
Anyway, i really want to concentrate on the piorities in my life now man. Knowing that my life's in His hands... I have only one thing to ask from Him.. Bring me back to the heart of worship.. I am desperate to go back.
vis
smiles*
8/19/2005 02:09:00 pm
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= Happy Birthday Mavis.. =
Wooh.. time really flies man.. I'm already 17. :) Hours back was totally a horrible and tormenting experience man.. i really just can't stand it. The way He talked to me, commanding me to clear the mess in the room,and nagging and nagging non stop while i was really trying to concentrate on my assignment. He's really against me of using Msn while doing my work, but the problem is... i need to communicate with my classamates in some areas when it comes to groupwork and stuff ya noe.. ?
Bet he doesnt. Our gap is too big, he's too conservative.. i just dun understand why.. why arent me like my parents? they're so conservative while i am as not.. well.. external factors maybe.. Why should i crap about all these... ?? hahs
Iam actually enjoying the aircon here in the libray( i edited this entry later on), a table all to myself.. no one would even disturb me or anything.. i really enjoy times like these. whereby i am alone..
Well well... today is my birthday.. i was really touched and glad that the first to wish me ytd was JL, and my korkor 5days earlier back.. Den, was Roy Lim.. hahs, that crazy ex of mine.. Was rather touched that he remembered my bdae cos i remembered his i guess.. lol And sherlyn also... loving her.. hahas =))
i also thank all these ppl who wished me exacly on 17th of august making my 17th birthdae memorable..
Winda send me a msg at 23:59:59 and called me at 00:00:01 haha/ Daphne on the other hand wished me at 00:00:53 and Nash at 00:01:29 /Sheena at 00:03:12 /Melody at 00:10:20/ Joseph at 01:43:35 /Aiching at 02:33:27/ Zhiyong Jerimiah at 06:23;33 /Terence cg at 06:23:42/ Deora at 07:33:52/ Charlene Aunty at 07:42;17 /Deorine at 09:14:33/77th street at 09:26:56/Ms lee at 11:12:42/(tired of changing colour) Ivor at 14:46:52/ Xuan at 15:04:06/ En at 18:41:25.
lastly not forgetting my lovely classmates who bought a cake and celebrated my b'dae for me. Thank Yuqin for the effort and Bihui for the presnt.
Not forgetting Sherlyn and Alie for writing me a testimonial on friendster..
A big thanks to you all.. !
okies, enough of all these already.. recently i am very into the xi shua shua song.. hahas and been haunting my class with it, if u're my fren and u haven listen to it now.. I STRONGLY RECOMMEND U GUYS TO LISTEN IT.
artiste : hua er yue tuan
Song : xi shua shua
hahas. when u're super stress rights, this song is the medicine for u.. lol..all the best to all of u guys.. thank those for loving me also! haha BHB but i really love all of u.. and i really want to work hardder to love u guys more ! tata till here...
vis
smiles*
8/17/2005 12:16:00 pm
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= Pressurized ! =
I am so stress and being pressurized now.. What happens if the person you see everyday beside you is hyper hardworking in a abnormal way, and good in the academic areas of her live?
I can't help it.. seeing someone close doing off so well in the areas of studies..
And the kiasu way they will take notes, and copy ur style of taking notes and stuff.. I am just stressed.. AHHHHHHH!!! need to fa xie yi xia.. haiz.. recently, spirititually i am not doing very well.. i didn't know well. until todae, i realised that when you lead an irregular prayer life, everything just gets affected. therefore, i truly appreciate God loving me all these while when i really ever thought of backsliding. Now, i really want to love God more and put in my effort to love Him.
I am really stressed.. I know thru being the state of being stressed, we'll grow somehow. I know i know. I suspect i am in the state of depression yesterdae.. that was horrible, i kept washing my hands for no reason.. I think that i kept quiet for a long time. without uttering a word. NOW, thats real bad.. cos my mind was totally in a blank.. and this doesnt happen once or twice..
I really cannot imagine.. i am beginning to see more flaws of people den the good sides.. this world is not a beautiful world.. OMG.. i cant believe wad i've typed.. nvm..
Its okay.. deep down i am really broken actually.. whats the point of having people saying that you're good in singing ( well i didnt say that ) when your family is strongly against you of all ur dreams.. THEY SAY THAT IT WAS A WASTE OF TIME, A PIECE OF RUBBISH. Why cant they just support me in my areas of my dreams..
Guitarist, i really envy u in this area.. Your parents are supporting u in the area of ur dreams & destiny..I am really very stressed.. when u have a cgl who is abit demanding.. i am actually very scared.. scared of her.. I didnt know why... i haven been having peace for a long time..
Lord... i need Your grace.. I want to cry.. Like never before..
Gonna go studying liaos.. having a big big test on mon.. haiz..
SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY & HUMAN COMMUNICATION
* PENGS *
jiayou mavis !! u can do it !!
vis
smiles*
8/11/2005 07:12:00 pm
+++++++++
= Fireworks =

Wooh..
3rd entry.. wahaha Winda was telling me about her and Liyang. The nice poems they will fill each other and the times they are together.. Lol. Upon hearing those, i was feeling rather happy for her. At least she really found someone that can really take care of her, love her as what she is, accepting her ways and most important, protective of her. I really appreciate guys to be protective in my life.. Hahs
And so, i was asking Winda that from her point of view, how would i treat my guy in the future ? She assumed that i will bully him. Hahas, well.. maybe la. but i would like to be the bullied party sometimes.. OK... At this point of time.. i am still normal.. lol ;p sometimes you know girls.. not just me alone, we just hope to have someone really loving and cares for us, being there and stuff.
I know u gotta say friends, but not all friends wants to give you their 100% even when u gave them 101%. Enough of BGR. Lets say something BAD about that idiotic Junliang la!! IDIOT JUNLIANG! btw, Junliang is Winda's older brother.
Cos i went Winda's house just now, that idiotic Junliang say that i am eatting all the time lors.. keep saying and saying and saying me.. and when i was eating my chips, he VERY ZIDONG take my chips without asking.. ANYWAY.. I MANAGED TO TRY EVERY SINGLE FLAVOUR OF THE MOONCAKE HE BOUGHT. So, we're quits. lol BANANA flavour rocks..
The fireworks are like soo nice soo nice.. at that point of time. .i really feel like calling someone.. to watch it from his house.. but.. to think of it, i didnt its all planned by God. Hahs, he's not for you mavis.. wake up!! Any guy wants to help me drift my attention away ? hahas, seriously i dont mind.
My life in school is rather blank now. No CCAs, was actually itending to join song composing club.. but i realised that i haven been going to register that. Until...
CHINESE SOCIETY IS OFFICIALLY OPENED. all Chinese studies students are automatically afflicated to that club.. My tian.. haha
Nevertheless, i am interested in joining the radio DJ thing.. Its in chinese.. so dun worry for me.. i am confident i can make it.. I AM SO FRIENDLY DE ok.. and also And i am in the singing cat for the Society and heard from Lei, she's including me to be an ambassidor! WAH!!! haha So priviledge lehs.. Doesnt mean i am cheena la.. I am already one of the more angmorhs one in class liaos lors please! hehe ..
i look forward to meeting the right one. =)
vis
smiles*
8/09/2005 11:52:00 pm
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